Posted by
jason hudson on Friday, June 05, 2009 12:57:30 PM
June 5, 2009
United States Senate Washington D.C. 20001
National Nonsensical Tax Bill 2009
Ladies and Gentleman of the United States of America, we The United States Senate are proud to introduce to you this new tax bill that will implement great things for the future of our country. Rest assured the generation of these new funds will be a benefit for you and yours for years to come. Not only will you be padding our wallets, but you will be helping our ailing economy as well. Your funds will bring about grants in studies such as, The family life of the Colorado Potato Beetle(Leptinotarsa decemlineata), have they ever had divorces, or do they have same sex unions? Also Nancy needs a new Jet Plane. Great things are ahead of us peasants......I mean distinguished people... The plan is broken down as follows:
Window Glance tax- all employed individuals that are fortunate enough to have a window in their cubicle or office, will be charged a modest 0.5 cents for every look. This will make things a little more fair for those who do not have windows. WE WILL BE WATCHING YOU.
Excessive Ear Wax Tax- All Q-tips will be disposed of in plastic bags, and are to be picked up and examined by our new "Q" team weekly. Since ear wax is a hazard to the environment and basically it's just flat out gross, there will be a..03 cent per tip tax imposed.
Verbal Communication of the phrase "UHHH" tax - This phrase will be imposed a .06 cent per utterance, as this phrase or sound, or what ever you call it makes us sound Inbredish and brings about a modern day "Stone Age" of classic cro magnon caveman gibberish. If we seem serious here....we are.
Blades of Grass tax - All homeowners are entitled up to 365,857 blades of grass. All Commercial property owners are entitled up to 365,858.(Sucks to be you , you capitlalistic icons. WE WILL OWN YOU ONE DAY. Our satillites keep accurate numbers, no need to count. Exceeding this total will impose a 0.2 cent per blade fee. If this seem excessive to you...cry me a river. At which point we will implement a "tear" tax. See 2010 propositions.
The Sneeze Tax - All individuals are allocated to 3 sneezes per day.Since you never know what you get in your hankie, we will impose a .04 cent for any sneezing after that point.
Excessive "Bling" tax - All individuals are permitted : 1 chain (any color), 1 set of earings(any style), two rings(weddings dont mean much to us, so we will allow you two for whatever reason) 1 body piercing (any location). We believe this will cut down on violence as well as make us not look so rich and capitalistic, and make us look more.....civilized. Exceeding this will impose a .06 cent per item tax. NBA players and Rap Stars watch out.
Prayer Tax- Individuals that do this, will be broken down as follows: praying to Allah,Bhudda or any other "supreme being" will impose a .3 cent tax for doing so. Praying to Jehovah or the God of Israel will impose a $1.50 fee per prayer, $2.50 per individual in a "group" and or "assembly", and a $3.00 per individual in said group or assembly with "Raised Hands" This "speaking of the tounges" is expressively forbidden and will be punishable by $2000.00 for 1st offense, $5000.00 for the 2nd. Death for the 3rd. Silly Christians can you not see will replace your God? San Diego failed....we will succede, nationally. Saying aloud " Man...I hope I do not get caught Stealing, Forging or ________, fill in the blank, doing this, Is NOT a prayer, in fact this behavior is encouraged and will be rewarded. Maybe an Administrative position.
GM Non- Compliancy tax - All individuals will have 1 year from the implementaiton of this bill into law to become GM Compliant,and own NOTHING but GM made products and services. After all these are vehicles and services we have made "affordable" and "pepole friendly" for your use, and you will use them.Failure to do so will cost you $35.00 a month until you are in compliance Comrade.
That will bring this years 2009 proposed list of tax bills to a close, we do ever so sincerely thank for you for your time in reading these, and we just know you will do the correct thing in voting on these in 2010, when these all pass with flying rainbow colors.
If you have any questions, please feel free in NOT contacting us. We will contact you, do not be too concerned. We will schedule a "cleansing" appointment...you will feel no pain, and come out feeling refreshed.
We bestow upon you Peace, Love an good fortune upon you and your families.Be it known that we are concerned about YOUR every well being, and will take care of your every need...rest assured.
Love Hugs and Kisses to you All !!!!
Joseph Biden
Nancy Pelosi
And the rest of your esteemed colleages at the US Senate team!!!!